You know it sucks being really depressed... got no one to talk too... people who you thought were your friends don't give a shit about you to even see how you are..

The one person who i considered my "friend" only talks to me if he's really disgusted with the way the kitty litter is. or to bitch about something else to me.. Otherwise, i don't get a text or a call saying "Hello laney, how are you today"? Nothing.....never comes in to check to see how i'm doing when he gets off work , nothing...

Claims he's a "Loner" but how can you be a loner, when you have your girlfriend and baby upstairs with you? a loner to me is someone who is like me.. Don't have anyone to talk too, no friends, that's a loner... not what he is.. before he was, but not now....

He doesn't even take care of his dog... hasn't taken her off the chain in MONTHS, lets her shit and piss in my basement, and sometimes she's lucky if he feeds her... or if he goes down to clean up after her... which i have to smell from it coming up in the vents...

But this sucks not having no one to talk too about all my problems .. i want to cry so bad because i got to get this off my chest and i can't.. i don't have anyone to tell...

Usually i'm not ever this down.. but maybe its because i had thought that he valued our friendship as much as i did... but i was wrong.. its been almost a week since we've texted each other... or seen each other... but after last Saturday i told myself i'm not searching for him, or texting him.. i'm going to wait to see how long it takes for HIM to come find ME... and see how I'M doing... let me see how long it takes for him to notice i'm alive....

And this will also help me try to get my feelings off him... if i had someone else to take my attention off of him, i'd be fine, i'd forget all about him... but there's no one.. i'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. i know i am...

My friend Dell said i shouldn't think that way.. but its true. i don't have any men chasing me, or knocking on my door to take me out, or to spend time with me....

But i don't know.. i don't want him to leave cuz with me losing my job now i'm going to need him and his girl to pay the nips-co and water bill. cuz it don't look like i'm going to find a job any time soon... and i can't go with out my lights and water.. and i'm not going thru the mess of going to get the government to help pay for it... no way..

But something has to change... cuz i don't like to be depressed like this... i hate feeling like crying all the time...

Maybe i should go get some drugs for it... or just get high... hmmmm...


Laters..

Laney